30 hours more. That is how much time he has left before he exchanges this green land for the arid desert. And out of the 30, I probably have only 2 more out of that with him. That makes it what... less that 10-percent? I don't know, my maths isn't good, but you get the picture. Again, the same question that I keep asking myself over and over again like a mantra, after that, what?
Today was especially harrowing. Lunch with him, and he was complaining of how much he still has to do and how little time he has. He who never complains. My only way to console him was by replying that I would have probably drowned in the tasks and emotion that I would be paralysed long ago. Of which he replied that I am forever paralysed by my emotions anyway. How true. And lunch was a short affair, of which we had to accommodate Puan, who was dying to see him before he goes of. Another sacrifice on my side. But it's okay. And then a harried drive around town chauffering him for his eye check up, to his bank, back to his office as he did not have a car anymore. Which I readily did. Just so that I would have a few extra moments with him. Emotionally draining.
Not that I want that much extra out of him anyway, as I am so afraid that I will get used to that and will long for it when he is gone. And that's why I don't want him here tonight. Restrain, and hopefully it won't be so bad.
Although, I wish that the clock will stop ticking, and I can freeze time.
3 comments:
I, for once always wanted to keep it simple. so the departure won't be as hard. It's time to reconcile all your memories and tuck them nicely, so you can go back and replay the moments you have had again and again. This is nothing new, nothing you haven't dealt with in the past. It's just a little longer that you have to wait. And a little farther to reach. But deep inside, there is always moments that you can remember to entertain yourself in somber days.
there must be something much better for you around the corner, you will see....you WILL see...
For some, those are too difficult to digest. The reality is too hard to swallow. It's not whether one can see clearly, but one always feel fond of the time shared and the effort, the love that has been planted and nurtured for so long.
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